Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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