I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
