Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
