I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
