Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
