Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
