watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
