Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
