She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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