Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
