In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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