did you get engaged???
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
