if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
