I wish I only lived at night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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