Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
