I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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