You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
