is your mom at the bar?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
