I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
