I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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