I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
