i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
