why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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