too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
