at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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