just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
