would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
