Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
