I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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