Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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