My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
