either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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