ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
