I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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