In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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