I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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