Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
