I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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