Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
