it hurts more in the daytime
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
