he shaved USA in his pubs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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