We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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