Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
