I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Randomize
