I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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