my vag is so smooth its legendary
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
