he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
