I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
