im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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