I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
